Monday, September 8, 2008

English Paper

Multi-Genre Snowboard Essay

I first saw the snow was when I was nine years old and I loved it. I went skiing up in Canada with my grandparents. After three years I went back to the snow but this time in Montana. I went snowboarding instead of skiing. I loved snowboarding and now we go every year. Last year was a terrible year for me though because when I got there I was sick, then the first day I got out I broke my collar bone. I still want to go back because it is one of the most fun and exciting thing you can do. Recipe For fun in the snow1 gallon of snow 1 cup of hot chocolate 1 Jacket 1 Pair of long pants 1 Hat (If you are out of hats a helmet can work also) 1 Snowboard or pair of skis


Stir all together except the hot chocolate and put out side to play. Until nice and cold then bring back inside. Then add the hot chocolate for a rich and warm texture to end a great day in the snow. Blake and Brenton Enter Blake- Wow, my first time snowboarding, this is going to be fun! Brenton- I got some skis! Blake- Yeah, I know. You want to climb to the top and try to go down? Brenton- Sure, I would love to! (Brenton and Blake climb up) Brenton- You want to race down? Blake- That would be a lot of fun! Let’s pit our equipment on.
(They put on their equipment) Blake- Ready, set. Brenton and Blake- Go! (Blake goes three feet and falls down and is stuck in the snow) (Brenton speeds down and can’t stop and hits a wall. (Blake gets up and gets down the hill successfully) Blake- Well that was fun. Brenton- Yeah, good thing we have lessons tomorrow. Both- (Laugh)

Here is one story that I will never forget. I got to Big Sky for the second time and I was synched about going again but there was one problem, I was sick. It took two days to get a little better and in two more I was going to leave so I thought I might as well go. The first day was fine, we found a nice easy run that nobody went on and that was a ton of fun because my dad, my brother, and I could push each other over and nobody was there to trip on us. The next day we went to the same course for the first run of the day. I was doing great and I had not fallen once. Then there was a photographer and he took a picture of me and the light distracted me and I flipped over a hill and fell and landed on my shoulder. I was rushed to the snow-hospital and we found out that I broke my collarbone. That ruined the trip for me, and hopefully it will not happen next time.

http://www.blogger.com/Users/SkinnerJohn/Desktop/Broken.jpg There I go down the hill, fell not once or taken’ a spill. But soon I know that I will, because immortality can’t last forever. Speeding down swaying smooth, I cannot make one wrong move. With snow so slick and ice packed tight, falling down is hard to fight. But when a man all in black, decides to take a little snap.
Of me, I can’t resist, the flash makes me trip. I do a flip to the icy ground and I hear a crack as I make a pound. I get sped off by the emergency men, who take me to men dressed in white. Who took some X-Rays of me and my shoulder that really hurt… They found it was broken, it ruined my trip, but it started a new relationship. But that is another story…

A beloved friend, son, and snowboarder died today. His name was Blake Skinner and he died in a terrible snowboard crash caused by a photographer, but the photographer ran a way to fast before he could be interviewed or blamed. The emergency crew rushed as fast as they could to get to the accident but was too late. He seemed to land on his shoulder and a piece of the bone chipped off and punctured the skin which caused internal bleeding which led to death. The last words of the boy were to tell everyone he cared for good bye. His family and friends are still scarred and upset that this happened to their beloved Blake.

20 comments:

Lucy Carlyle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
seymour spell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucy Carlyle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Holden Caufield said...

this is cool!

Peter Johnson said...

pearl jam psh i eat that for breakfat

Tinsley Carmichael said...

thats cool that you snowboard...this sounds really interesting.....

p.s. who am i???

Lucy Carlyle said...

Wow..thats really nice. I personally have not been exposed to snow for a long period of time.. but I bet you can show it through the paper!

<3 Lucy Carlyle

Zhone said...

Thanks for the comments!!!

That Singer Gurl said...

good job blake I mean zhone haha well anyway I think this is a really good start and I like the way you told us what you were actually going to put in each category.
btw.....interesting topic!!

seymour spell said...

im really surprised that you saw snow when you're nine year-old.... and i guess your genres are really match well with your story

B-Low said...

verry good blake.. u make snow sound very exciting;) it makes me want to sing

seymour spell said...

good job. good luck to your next one .

Peter Johnson said...

I thimk you need to write more things about your obituay. On your introduction i think you need more details and to be a little more specific. It is really great and should have just a little more detail.

Lucy Carlyle said...

the thing with brenton is great and funny.nice.

<3 Lucy Carlyle

B-Low said...

blake... ur story is very thrilling but ur recipe kind of confuses me a bit. make it a bit more clear about wut your talking. if i was going to bake fun in the snow, i woulnt understand what the directions would be.

Hugh Jass said...

The dialogue was defiantly my favorite part. I like how you ended the story with both of you laughing. It was kind of boring at the start though but other than that I thought it was a very good essay.

Hugh Jass said...

The dialogue was definitely my favorite part. I like how you ended the story with both of you laughing. It was kind of boring at the start though but other than that I thought it was a very good essay.You might want to add more action to it by showing that you were trying to scare your little brother by telling him a lie about how dangerous the hill is.

Joe Smith said...

Blake I am sorry that you broke your should but this is a really great story, I miss the snow its so much fun, I like your recipe the most

Meghna said...

Hi Zhone,
I stumbled across your blog through Miss Wyatt’s Student Blogging Competition. I’m MeghnaK from India.

I love the snow too but unfortunately, I can't enjoy it as there's not much snow where I live. he sun is shimmering all day! I enjoyed reading your post and imagining myself snow-boarding too. It;'s cool and loads of fun!

P.S- Love your recipe

goode-peoples said...

Right now, there doesn’t appear to be a clear beginning, middle and end to your story. Everything seems kind of randomly fit together. You go from death in the snow with the obituary to a recipe for fun in the snow. The only reason I know, I think, what happened is because you told me in the introduction. The meat of your story is missing. When you revise, fill out your story, remembering to show not tell.

Watch out for run-on sentences and comma splices.